I no longer use herbs for natural contraception or natural abortion

I grabbed my stainless steel pot, my cedar wood stool and my hot plate—the usual nightly routine. The aroma of potent emmenagogue herbs wafted throughout the living room while candles sparked. At this point, I was yoni steaming most nights throughout the week to support my period coming every month.

For twelve minutes I sat over the steaming herbs, letting the vapors absorb through the mucus membranes of my vagina, and praying that I wouldn’t be pregnant.

“OUCH!” Every time.

I leaped off the stool, my delicate tissues tingling from the steam—hopefully twelve minutes was enough. I put on my organic cotton robe and took the pot of herbs to the patch of soil outside my apartment door.

Sebastian followed me.

We thanked the plants, thanked the earth, and thanked the universe for listening and offering their support. This was my natural form of birth control for eight months of dating my soon-to-be husband, before we chose abstinence.

The moral dilemma was masked by self-care, candles and prayers. I was content ignoring the lack of evidence for how herbal contraception works. It’s not proven that they stop ovulation, therefore they may allow for fertilization.

If my herbalist didn’t know, I didn’t need to know.

But what I did know—yoni steaming alters the reproductive environment to make it unsuitable for life; therefore, a fertilized egg cannot implant in the uterus to continue development.

This is exactly what happens with IUDs and Plan B pills (fertilization is allowed and implantation is arrested). Other birth control methods (pills, implants, shots) primarily stop ovulation, but if they fail, fertilization may occur and implantation is then impeded.

As a spiritual person, I always acknowledged that life was a gift.

But if I actually believed that life was a blessing, the mechanism of herbal and chemical birth control should’ve been a deep moral issue.

A microscopic flash of light occurs at the exact moment of human conception when a sperm cell fertilizes an egg. A unique human is formed with a DNA set that has never existed before, signified by a burst of billions of zinc atoms that create a momentary, brilliant, and detectable glow.

After all…

God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good. —Genesis 1:3-4 (NIV)

The field of natural health and herbal healing became my sanctuary after the damage that pharmaceuticals caused my body, so I gave a green light to all things natural.

But just because it’s natural doesn’t make it good.

Despite my efforts to feel in control of my fertility through herbal contraception, I had a pregnancy scare with Sebastian.

It was approaching the end of my cycle and I was clouded by my usual fear of pregnancy: What if I’m pregnant? Could I be pregnant? Do my boobs feel different? Did I ovulate on time? Did I miss any steams this month?

To soothe the thoughts, Sebastian and I drove my car to CVS to buy my favorite pregnancy test (the digital Clearblue with 99% accuracy 5 days before your expected period).

With his credit card, I jumped out of the car and ran inside. I quickly scanned the aisles, turned down the one that was all too familiar, and returned to the front of the store unashamed of my purchase because of how many times I’d done this.

Sebastian was waiting for me in a parking spot hidden behind some bushes. He had an empty plastic cup with the remnants of an old, dried up smoothie ready for me. I hopped in the passenger seat, ripped open the Clearblue package, and balanced myself over the plastic cup in that very tight area.

That three minutes in the car was a very long three minutes.

“Pregnant” flashed across the screen.

To confirm I took four more tests, but each time “Not Pregnant” flashed across the screen.

Confused and terrified, I unlocked my phone and went to Google, “is it possible to have a false positive pregnancy test?” Google replied, “False positive pregnancy tests are extremely rare, occurring in less than 1% of cases.”

If I was actually pregnant, I healed through an abortion once and I could heal through it again.

Sebastian never objected.

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Author’s note: I believed I was healed after years of therapy and plant medicine, but I still felt broken whenever I was forced to confront the truth that I had chosen abortion a few years prior to this scare. I had gone through years of a deceptive “healing” that never worked on the Spirit-level. This was only revealed to me after I received true healing from the highest source.

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I had been trained on how to use herbs for contraception and had the tools to perform an herbal abortion. I yanked the cupboard open to the designated apothecary shelf in my kitchen. I choked back a high dose of anti-parasitic herbs while digging to the back, passing over my usual steaming herbs, detox herbs (actually maybe these would help), and made it to four mason jars that were waiting for me. Each contained loose leaves of a strong abortifacient.

Abortifacients are herbs that may induce abortion. They are recognized as (borderline) poisonous and/or toxic to the body; the doses required can be dangerous for the mother, carrying risks of liver and kidney damage.

They work by creating a reproductive environment unsuitable for life. The reproductive system becomes toxic and after implantation has already occurred, continued use of these herbs (for at least a week) would stop nourishment to the baby.

I was aware that this method was not guaranteed and I was hyperaware that the impact of these herbs on a developing baby is unpredictable… birth defects, injuries and deformities were very likely. If I was still pregnant after my attempts, I would still have to go to the clinic.

Sebastian and I stood together in my apartment kitchen, desperately praying into the stainless steel pot, taking turns speaking our will into existence–that I wasn’t pregnant.

We prayed desperately to the plants…

Instead of the one who created the plants, the one who created the light (life).

I removed the pot from the stovetop and brought it to my living room, where I had set up the hotplate to keep my herbal concoction active through the steaming process. This was my routine for two more nights regardless of being startled awake at 3:00am with heart palpitations, shocking kidney pain, drenched in sweat, sore and achy.

The vagina is a mucus membrane, this means it’s highly absorbable. Using herbs mixed with water to create a steam, and sitting over them, makes an herbal blend that much more potent. Your vagina absorbs the oils from the vapors of the herbs.

Abortifacients (and their vapors) are toxic and/or poisonous to the body when used in larger amounts and used consistently. This is why they are effective at manipulating pregnancy, they essentially create an environment too toxic to sustain life. When steaming, these herbs absorb through the mucus membranes and aggressively course through the bloodstream, making their presence known with a loud landing at the liver and the kidneys. These two organs process every toxin, whether natural or chemical. When overloaded, fear, resentment, anxiety, and frustration break loose from the very organs meant to handle them.

On the third day of steaming with abortifacients, I took another pregnancy test and it confirmed, “Not Pregnant.” I knew that an herbal abortion wouldn’t have worked that fast, therefore three days prior I was in the 1% of false positive pregnancy tests.

Relief and a new layer of brokenness came over me. I realized that this test revealed the true state of my heart.

A part of me died after my first abortion, yet I was deceived to believe that I could do it again because I “handled” it once already. Preserving my own life and maintaining my own plans was a priority over the life of a baby in the womb.

Just because it’s natural doesn’t make it good.

Sebastian and I made this choice before the Lord encountered us. Glory to God everyday for revealing the Truth of both herbal and chemical methods of abortion and contraception. They are in opposition to life and to God’s design for us.

To the women I guided toward learning about herbal contraception and herbal abortion, I’m sorry I didn’t share the whole truth with you.

When I discovered the world of natural health, I stopped believing in chemical birth control. Now I no longer believe in using herbs for natural contraception–and especially not natural abortion.

As someone who once chose medical abortion and attempted herbal abortion, I’ve learned that even calling it “natural” doesn’t change the reality of ending a baby’s life. For so long I wasn’t desperate to acknowledge reality, but healing requires a posture of desperation. It’s in this desperation that the heart sincerely longs to be put back together after brokenness.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you —Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

If you also chose abortion, the Lord has healing for you. If you need support in being guided toward that healing, please reach out to me: hi[@]tori-mar.com.

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